Yes, we know you were expecting a regular GameHounds episode, but forces beyond our control made Hawkes MIA. So rather than make a Hawkesless GameHounds episode, we bring you this week's Humpdate. Despite almost having lost the entire show into the putrid maw of the Internet's famous file-eating monster, we have Xbox Live Arcade news, Ubisoft news, and Metal Gear Solid 4 news, brought to you by Edie and Simon DI. But that's not all. This Humpdate is "Natalie Portman-flavored." Topics and links for you to peruse at your leisure after the jump... Edie and Simon talk about:

• Afrika is real! But what is it REALLY?
• Ubisoft's Ubidays in Paris unveils a host of new games, including Beyond Good and Evil 2.
• XBLA Delisting underperforming games.
• But look! They've upped download size to 350MB!
• Oh Oh! Look! They've also got a tool to fix that DRM problem! See? Not so bad right? Right??
• Bioshock comes to PS3 in October.
• Metal Gear Solid 4 garnering perfect scores from Euro blogs and mags.
• Super Deal: Target has 1600 MS point cards for $15.
• Ninja Gaiden II coming next week. Solid reviews note beauty, difficulty, lackluster dialogue and occasional technical glitches.

Enjoy! It certainly

It's midweek, and that means the GameHounds Humpdate comes to you direct from our temporal lobes to your tympanic membrane. This week, Edie and Simon D.I (of Cyberpunks Gaming Podcast) discuss the recent events of the gaming-news week. Topics and links after the jump...

• Penny Arcade: On the Rain Slick Precipice of Darkness is aaawwweesome!!
• More insight as to why Vivendi/Activision and LucasArts pulled out of E3. Seems last year's move of E3 from the LA Convention Center to Santa Monica and making the event invite-only cost the ESA $5 million in fees, necessitating the association to substantially increase its membership dues to offset the costs.
• Wii Fit launch delayed until May 21 (from May 19) due to apparent supply-chain issue.
• Banjo Kazooie isn't like the original Banjo Kazooie. And that's a good thing.
• Konami may have been the granddaddy of all music-simulation games, but its late entry into the field now dominated by Rock Band and Guitar Hero -- Rock Revolution -- seems really, really dumb.
• Free Radical's Haze really is as bad as we first thought, or so says IGN, which gave it a 4.5/10, calling it a "middling, generic first-person shooter with bland visuals, a weak plot and laughable characters."
• Metal Gear Solid Mobile comes to the... N-Gage?!?! Huh-whaaa???
• With Sony's host of new games heading to PS3's near you, community websites will abound: LittleBigPlanet, Killzone 2, SOCOM: Confrontation, Motorstorm: Pacific Rim, and Resistance 2 will all reportedly have community websites. Hopefully Sony will learn from the debaucle that is Rockstar Social Club.
• The judge presiding on the Florida Bar trial of Jack Thompson has recommended that he be found guilty of 27 out of 31 counts of misconduct.
• What's in a name? Cliff Bleszinski says he's retiring his nom de plume, CliffyB and now wants to be called by his first and last name. Will a Cliff by any other name smell as sweet?
• James Cameron said at Microsoft's Advance 08 advertising conference that the new Avatar game (based on the sci-fi movie) will be in 3D. Yes, as in you'll have to wear those goofy glasses.
• Killzone 2 delayed until February 09 due to an already-full release schedule, says Sony PR people on PlayStation Blog.
• What is Retro Gaming? We Americans frequently forget that the retro-gaming experiences of our youth were vastly different from those in Europe. For example, the ZX Spectrum, the Amstrad CPC, BBC Model B, MSX, and Atari ST. If you Americans like retro gaming and you want something different, check out the emululators. Thanks Kropotkin (of All Games' Superhappyfuntimeshow and Kropotkin's UK News) for the heads-up!
• More GTA IV Easter eggs, including:

1. Where to find purple dildoes with which to beat cops about the head and shoulders;
2. Mini-golf figurines that harken to older GTA titles.
3. How to stop your car immediately without launching yourself through the window using your camera;
4. Where to find references to Halo and Two Girls, One Cup.

Enjoy!

This week, our intrepid hosts, Edie Sellers and Cooper Hawkes, test the waters of propriety by going obscenity free! Okay, maybe not "free," but at least an effort was made and the failures were cleansed. Don't worry. This was a test and only a test. GameHounds has not sacrificed itself to the gods of the FCC, Miss Manners or any other stodgy old person. We just wanted to see if we could do it. Survey says: You fail! In this podcast, we cover news from the week in the gaming world. Topics and links after the jump... This week's topics include:

• We give away the Rockstar dufflebag and open a new contest for the Rockstar lockbox.
• We announce a new contest for Assault Heroes 2 swag (Thanks to the folks from Team FortySeven for the gear!)
• Our own Mr. Maynard makes it to the All Games Radio GTA Xbox 360 Elite finals!
• We pimp our very own t-shirts! Only $20 (more or less) through the website (more or less).
• A list of rumored new features included in the Xbox Spring Update makes the rounds of the Internet. How real do we think this list is?
• First reports of soon-to-be-released Haze are not glowing. Not one bit.
• An entire playable level of Gears of War 2 shown at Microsoft Gamers Day. Everyone who saw it seems pretty impressed.
• The gamertag "theGAYERgamer" is deemed offensive by Xbox. Changing our names to "HeteroHillbilly" right now.
• LucasArts leaves the Electronic Software Association. Sire, the publishers are revolting. You said it, they stink!
• Sony announces a real-money marketplace for upcoming titles The Agency and Free Realms. Bend over and open your wallets, kids.
• GameHounds officially declares Rockstar Social Club a broken, useless piece of... oh yeah... we're running clean, aren't we?
• Konami announces a super-special, limited-edition Metal Gear Solid 4 Playstation 3 bundle pack of what-the-hell?!?!
• Edie offers up a list of tried-and-true Easter eggs in Grand Theft Auto 4, including:

1. How to get a tugboat,
2. How to get a Statue of Happiness t-shirt,
3. Where to find Hillary Clinton in the game,
4. How to find the "Heart of the City,"
5. How to get a Tommy Vercetti outfit for Niko,
6. How to get an Evel Knievel motorcycle helmet,
7. How to find map locations of all guns, armor, freaks, cars to steal, places to go on dates, jumps, and pigeons using the in-game Internet -- without using a cheat code or affecting your ability to get achievements.

All this and more awaits you. Come. Surrender to the power of the hound!

The feedback from our forums is in. Almost without exception, you said you'd like to hear a mid-week GameHounds update, and we're not ones to argue with popular opinion. We're still figuring out the bugs and the format, but in our debut episode of the Humpdate (that's what we're calling it for lack of a better title), Edie and Simon DI of Cyberpunks Gaming Podcast hit the latest news since last regular GameHounds episode. It's a shorter, faster format that the regular GameHounds Podcast, with fewer tangents. And it's clean. Yes, you read that right: Humpdate is a clean podcast. Believe me, it was a challenge, but it's one we're willing to undertake. We really want to hear your feedback and comments on this one, so email us at Humpdate@gamehounds.net (Notice: Not the usual email address. We want to keep this special).

It's only Saturday, but lo, here through the muck and mire cometh the newest episode of GameHounds, Episode 16: My Testes Bring All the Boys to the Yard. Testes? Indeed! Since we recorded before the release of the Gears of War 2 trailer, we discuss these most precious gems and other precious nuggest of the week from the gaming-industry news. Want links? After the jump...

• Grand Theft Auto IV has broken just about every sales record imaginable. Not only the day-one and first-week records for video games, but also for any entertainment, including movies and books. Take that, Harry Potter, you sniveling twat!
• A trusty forum poster, while snooping about in the Rockstar Social Club website, came across what may be a clue about future GTA IV DLC : A photo of an airline ticket from Liberty City to San Andreas. Really? Now, that would be cool!
• Sony execs say GTA IV DLC "probably" coming to PS3. Also a tantilizing nugget of rumor.
• The Parent Television Council, attempting to drum up some opportunistic publicity, accuses GTA IV of "giving points" for drunk driving and soliciting prostitues. A reporter for the Arizona Daily Star who has actually played the game, takes on the spokesperson about these ill-informed and innacuracies. Very funny.
• EA loosens DRM on Spore and Mass Effect. What? Two weeks before Mass Effect's release you're removing code? Something tells us it was never in there in the first place.
• Stop the presses! There will be Call of Duty 5 and Doom 4! I'm shocked!
• Trailer out for up coming title Mirror's Edge. OOhhhhhOOOhhhhh... Pretty.
• Bioshock movie confirmed, with Gore Verbinski (Pirates of the Caribbean) at the helm, according to Variety. Let's hope it goes better than the Halo movie.
• Atari is delisted from the NASDAQ stock exchange. Everybody say awwww.
• Playstation Home is "definitely" coming this Fall, says SCEE president David Reeves. Not before Peter Moore laments how long it's taken and how it's hosing his schedule.
• Sorry, but no open beta for LittleBigPlanet, according to multiple sources at Sony.
• Two members of the House of Representatives introduce the Video Games Ratings Enforcement Act. Is it a reasonable piece of legislation or a step in the right direction. We argue.

Enjoy the lively banter. We certainly enjoyed fighting.

Another week, another great GameHounds Podcast to tickle your funnybone and delight your gaming senses. This week, Cooper Hawkes and Edie Sellers once again spar on all issues gaming. Well, not all, but a good amount of them. What got their knickers in a twist? Let us tell you:

• Hawkes and Edie get all soft and mushy about their listeners. Of course, that doesn't mean Hawkes actually received his copy of Grand Theft Auto IV. Thanks US Postal Service! You're the reason we love email.
• Win a Rockstar dubblebag. Yes, the very one that comes with the GTA IV Special Edition. A little creativity and it could all be yours.
• Two more entries (well, not entries, technically) in the All Games Radio GTA Xbox 360 Elite contest.
• Activision and Vivendi discontinue their membership with the Entertainment Software Association and then Activision immediately announces it will not be attending E3 this year. Wow. But wait, there's more.
• id Software says it's not so sure it will be attending E3, either. And then...
• NCSoft and Her Interactive also say they have to wash their hair the weekend of E3. Something is very strange afoot.
• Dan Houser, Rockstar's VP of creativity, doesn't mince words when it comes to casual gamers. He says casual gamers can all "fuck" off.
• Having problems with GTA IV freezing up on your PS3? Rockstar offers a 12-step program for fixing it. One of them is not "place your life in a higher power," but given what you have to do, maybe it should.
• For the billionth time, someone says a Bly-Ray Xbox 360 is shipping soon. Jesus, just let it go!

Enjoy.